WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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