when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
