My friends, they love my intelligence
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
