People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
