I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
