he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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