You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize