So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
