I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
