Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
