When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
