He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
