I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
they're like a gay fantastic four
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
