people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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