i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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