In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
