Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I think my moral compass just broke
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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