We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
