My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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