I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
