My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
