I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
