is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
