Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
