She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
