Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
