There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she peed on how many people?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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