Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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