you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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