i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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