I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
