hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
