dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
