Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My penis needs a shock collar
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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