She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
