I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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