I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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