i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
