If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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