he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I wish you could order shots online.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
