How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
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All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
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I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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