we have pet lesbian snakes
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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