When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
