I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
