she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
