apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
