If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
