Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
