If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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