yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
