question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
