Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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