i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
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Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
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So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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