Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
