my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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