After last night, I could never be a politician.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize