??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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