You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
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I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
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To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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