At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
