guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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