So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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