Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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