My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I can't put those talents on a resume
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
