It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
