They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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