I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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