dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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