No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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